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Âû íå çàðåãèñòðèðîâàíû Ðåãèñòðàöèÿ | Ïîèñê | Âîéòè

Ôîðóì òåêñòîâèêîâ

Çàäàòü íîâóþ òåìó
Àâòîð
Òåìà: ñòðàííûé òåêñò. îöåíèòåþ
Âðåìÿ: 10.09.2004 10:48 



silence weaves a net, enchanting me,
thanks the darkness that cushions my fall.
lord, there's something wrong with me,
why are her embrace so cold?

ch.
Would your tears be a medicine or a poison for me
don't you know, that my world is you?
did I make something wrong, or I should just believe
that my world now is getting skew?

every moment is dragging me deeper,
one by one they are flying along,
if there's no second chance, if there's no second love
then just kiss me and leave me alone

ch.
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: ñòðàííûé òåêñò. îöåíèòåþ
Âðåìÿ: 10.09.2004 12:59 
nitrate



È ÷òî çäåñü ñòðàííîãî? Îáû÷íàÿ love song.

Òåïåðü êðèòèêà. Âî-ïåðâûõ, ãðàììàòèêà. Âñïîìíè-êà, êàê ñêàëàíÿåòñÿ ãëàãîë to be. Åñëè ó òåáÿ â ïîñëåäíåé ñòðîêå ïåðâîãî ÷åòâåðîñòèøèÿ embrace îäèí, òî åñòåñòâåííî íèêàêîãî 'are' òàì áûòü íå ìîæåò.

Âî-âòîðûõ, öèòàòà:

silence weaves a net, enchanting me,
thanks the darkness that cushions my fall.

Êàê ìîë÷àíèå ìîæåò ÷òî-òî áëàãîäàðèòü, îáúÿñíè?

Â-òðåòüèõ, âî íåêîòîðûõ ìåñòàõ ÷óâñòâóòñÿ, ÷òî òû ñèäåë ñî ñëîâàðåì, ïîäáèðàÿ òàì ñëîâà. Íå ñîâåòóþ òàê äåëàòü. Ïîëó÷àåòñÿ ìåðòâî è íååñòåñòâåííî. Ëó÷øå ïîëüçîâàòüñÿ ñîáñòâåííûì ñëîâàðíûì çàïàñîì, äàæå åñëè îí íå î÷åíü âåëèê.
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: ñòðàííûé òåêñò. îöåíèòåþ
Âðåìÿ: 15.09.2004 03:27 



Ñî ñòðî÷êîé íàñ÷åò thanks the darkness ìíå òîæå íå î÷åíü ïîíÿòíî.
Ïîòîì, âñÿêèå ìåëî÷è òèïà: do sth wrong (íå make)
or should I, ïîñêîëüêó ýòî âîïðîñ.
Åùå ñìóùàåò ìåíÿ would â íà÷àëå ïðèïåâà - çà÷åì îíî òàì?
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: ñòðàííûé òåêñò. îöåíèòåþ
Âðåìÿ: 20.09.2004 02:28 



embrace(s â îðèãèíàëå) - ýòî, ïàðäîí, îïå÷àòêà,
äàëåå, íèêàêîãî ñëîâàðÿ, ÷åññíîå-
ïðå÷åññíîå.
ñ did I make something wrong, or I should just believe
that my world now is getting skew?

ñ òî÷êè çðåíèÿ ãðàìì. âñå íîðìàëüíî
 ýòîò ôîðóì ìîãóò ïèñàòü òîëüêî çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûå ïîëüçîâàòåëè!