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Àâòîð
Òåìà: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 20.01.2010 12:10 
çà÷åì íàì ìîçã?
âîò è ÿ ãîâîðþ

Àâòîð îðèãèíàëà - proõîæèé.
Îðèãèíàë çäåñü: http://www.musicforums.ru/lirics/browse_thread.php?bn=mfor_l...read=1263225237

Ìåíÿ î÷åíü âïå÷àòëèë ïîòðÿñàþùèé òåêñò Ïðîõîæåãî, è çàõîòåëîñü ïîïðîáîâàòü ïåðåâåñòè. Áåäà îäíà: àíãëèéñêèé ÿçûê ÿ çà ïîñëåäíèå ãîäû íåñêîëüêî ïîäçàáûë, äà è òåêñò îêàçàëñÿ ñëîæíîâàò äëÿ ïåðåâîäà. Íî òàêèå ìåëî÷è ìåíÿ íå îñòàíàâëèâàþò. À ïðåâîñõîäÿùèå ìåíÿ â çíàíèè àíãëèéñêîãî ÿçûêà èëè æå â ñòèõîñëîæåíèè ìîãóò îòðåäàêòèðîâàòü ïåðåâîä ïî àäðåñó http://translated.by/you/sindrom-gil-gamesha/into-en/trans

Ishtar
In me
Is resting in debris
The fuse is ready to ignite

Akkad
In dust
And all the gardens lost
The ruins calling to requite

The jug
Of soul
Will spring against the squall
Water of Tigris turning red

The cracking teeth begetting sparks
Ereshkigal will bear the blame

Assail!
Attack!
And hope we will not lack
For those slain and torn apart

Attack!
Assail!
Forever shall prevail
A man with dragon in his heart

I am the gauge of things
The sheen of steel ensigns
Prostrate yourselves before your master

Ša nagba imuru
Darkness, I'm calling you
To be my guide, to be my pastor

Uruk rebuilt again
Defeating the arcane
The altars' teeth tearing the skies

Along the lines of dread
The gods are being led
They're shivering
The faces turning pale
Aghast they're tottering to me

mūtu!
mūtu!
mūtu!
mūtu!
Aghast they're tottering to me

mūtu!
mūtu!
mūtu!
mūtu!
Aghast they're tottering to me

Ïåðåâîä ñûðîé, åãî ïèëèòü è ïèëèòü, ïðèãëàøàþ ïðèñîåäèíèòüñÿ.
I loathe everything I see
What you feel doesn't matter to me
All these words, and still there is nothing to hear
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 13:59 
cringecore
revival

ìíå êîíå÷íî äàëåêî äî ïðîäâèíóòîãî óðîâíÿ àíãëèéñêîãî,
íî èìõî òåêñò
âî-ïåðâûõ, íåùàäíî îïîøëåí
âî-âòîðûõ, ãðàììàòèêà íå äëÿ êðàñíîãî ñëîâöà ïðèäóìàíà
ïîñëåäîâàòåëüíîñòü ïîäëåæàùåå-ñêàçóåìîå íèêòî íå îòìåíÿë
âðåìÿ ïåðåïóòàíî..
..îùåì, âèäíî ÷òî ñòàðàëñÿ, íî êàê-òî íå î÷åíü, âèäèìî. :4:
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 14:40 
Îäèíöîâî/Âèñáàäåí


ììììì, èíòåðåñíî, êàê ìîæíî îïîøëèòü òåêñòû ïðî. Ïî-ìîåìó ýòî íåðåàëüíî.
Ñàìîñòîÿòåëüíî ïðèéòè ê Áîãó - âñå ðàâíî, ÷òî ãëóõîíåìîìó ñòàòü âåëèêèì êîìïîçèòîðîì.

Êîãäà ãîâîðÿò î “ðóññêîé ïîýçèè”, î åå “çîëîòîì” èëè “ñåðåáðÿíîì âåêå” – ìíå ñòàíîâèòñÿ ñìåøíî. “Ðóññêîé ïîýçèè” íåò, êàê íåò “ðóññêîãî ðîêà”.
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 14:50 

äîáðàÿ.. äîáðàÿ Ãíåôô (ñ)

Îëå...
ÿ òÿ ùàç ñòóêíó )))

lakevostok ,
áåäíûé Ïðî...
"Òðèæäû ïðîêëÿòû òå ñëàáûå, ÷üÿ íåçàùèùåííîñòü äåëàåò èõ íèçêèìè è ïîäëûìè, èáî îíè âûçûâàþò îòâðàùåíèå." (ñ)Ýíòîíè Øàíäîð Ëà Âåé
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 15:16 
çà÷åì íàì ìîçã?
âîò è ÿ ãîâîðþ

iveriver , äà ìíå òîæå íûí÷å äàëåêî. È, âñ¸-òàêè, õîòåëîñü áû ïîêîíêðåòíåé.

olirup , ñìîòðè è ó÷èñü!
I loathe everything I see
What you feel doesn't matter to me
All these words, and still there is nothing to hear
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 15:39 
cringecore
revival

>Akkad
>In dust

>The jug
>Of soul
>Will spring

>A man with dragon in his heart
...
îñòàëüíîå ïóñòü ïðî ñàì ïîêàçûâàåò :ulyb:
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 15:58 
çà÷åì íàì ìîçã?
âîò è ÿ ãîâîðþ

>Akkad
>In dust

Ôîðìû "be" ÷àñòî è áåçáîëåçíåííî îïóñêàþòñÿ.

>The jug of soul will spring

Òóò ÿ âîîáùå íå ïîíÿë, ÷òî èìåííî òû ñ÷èòàåøü íåïðàâèëüíûì. "Will" çäåñü - ìîäàëüíûé ãëàãîë, "spring" - ãëàãîë (ýòî íà ñëó÷àé ïåðåïóòûâàíèÿ ñ îìîíèìàìè-ñóùåñòâèòåëüíûìè).

>A man with dragon in his heart

Âîò òóò ÿ è ïðàâäà â ìó÷åíüÿõ ðàçäóìûâàë. Äâà àðòèêëÿ íå âëåçóò, îäèí íàäî âûáðîñèòü. Âûáðîñèë áû ïåðâûé - áûëî áû íåÿñíî, "a" èëè "the" òàì ïîäðàçóìåâàëñÿ, à ýòî êàðäèíàëüíî ìåíÿëî áû ñìûñë. Ïîñåìó ëèøèë äðàêîíà àðòèêëÿ - îáîéä¸òñÿ.
I loathe everything I see
What you feel doesn't matter to me
All these words, and still there is nothing to hear
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 16:11 
cringecore
revival

..êàê õî÷åøü, ìåíÿ áîëüøå êóâøèí ñìóòèë :lol:
íå îäîáðèò ýòî Ïðî))

ìíå ïî÷åìó-òî òàê êàæåòñÿ :ulyb:

íàñ÷åò ôîðì be - íå ãîâîðè ïîòîì, ÷òî ÿ íå ïðåäóïðåæäàë
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 16:28 
çà÷åì íàì ìîçã?
âîò è ÿ ãîâîðþ

>ìåíÿ áîëüøå êóâøèí ñìóòèë

Íó, ñëîâî â ñëîâî-òî íå âûøëî áû. Ïðèõîäèòñÿ âåðòåòüñÿ.

>íå îäîáðèò ýòî Ïðî))

Î÷åíü äàæå ìîæåò áûòü.
Íó, ÿ êðèòèêè íå áîþñü. Ãëàâíîå - ÷òîáû îíà áûëà êîíêðåòíîé è îáúåêòèâíîé%)

>íàñ÷åò ôîðì be - íå ãîâîðè ïîòîì, ÷òî ÿ íå ïðåäóïðåæäàë

È íå áóäó. Îäíàêî, íà âñÿêèé ñëó÷àé ïðèãîòîâèëñÿ ïèñàòü Ñòèâó Õàððèñó, ÷òî îí äåëàåò òó æå îøèáêó.
I loathe everything I see
What you feel doesn't matter to me
All these words, and still there is nothing to hear
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 16:31 
cringecore
revival

>ïðèãîòîâèëñÿ ïèñàòü Ñòèâó Õàððèñó
îí ó íàñ òóò íà ÌÔ ñèäèò è ïðÿ÷åòñÿ?
ùà ìû åãî âûâåäåì íà ÷èñòóþ âîäó *ïîòèðàÿ êîãòèñòûå ëàïû*
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 16:33 
çà÷åì íàì ìîçã?
âîò è ÿ ãîâîðþ

>îí ó íàñ òóò íà ÌÔ ñèäèò è ïðÿ÷åòñÿ?
Äà, âèäåë åãî òóò ãäå-òî, âîò òîëüêî íèê óæå çàáûë.
I loathe everything I see
What you feel doesn't matter to me
All these words, and still there is nothing to hear
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 16:37 
Îäèíöîâî/Âèñáàäåí


>..êàê õî÷åøü, ìåíÿ áîëüøå êóâøèí ñìóòèë


>The jug
>Of soul


êàêîãî ÆÓß?!! :mad:
:7: :7: :7:
Ñàìîñòîÿòåëüíî ïðèéòè ê Áîãó - âñå ðàâíî, ÷òî ãëóõîíåìîìó ñòàòü âåëèêèì êîìïîçèòîðîì.

Êîãäà ãîâîðÿò î “ðóññêîé ïîýçèè”, î åå “çîëîòîì” èëè “ñåðåáðÿíîì âåêå” – ìíå ñòàíîâèòñÿ ñìåøíî. “Ðóññêîé ïîýçèè” íåò, êàê íåò “ðóññêîãî ðîêà”.
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 21.01.2010 16:38 
Îäèíöîâî/Âèñáàäåí


:lool:
Ñàìîñòîÿòåëüíî ïðèéòè ê Áîãó - âñå ðàâíî, ÷òî ãëóõîíåìîìó ñòàòü âåëèêèì êîìïîçèòîðîì.

Êîãäà ãîâîðÿò î “ðóññêîé ïîýçèè”, î åå “çîëîòîì” èëè “ñåðåáðÿíîì âåêå” – ìíå ñòàíîâèòñÿ ñìåøíî. “Ðóññêîé ïîýçèè” íåò, êàê íåò “ðóññêîãî ðîêà”.
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 23.01.2010 20:05 
çà÷åì íàì ìîçã?
âîò è ÿ ãîâîðþ

Ñàì íå ïîðóãàåøü - íèêòî íå ïîðóãàåò. Áóäó íàçûâàòü ðåàëüíûå íåäîñòàòêè òåêñòà. Æåëàþùèõ èñïðàâèòü - ìèëîñòè ïðîñèì íà http://translated.by/you/sindrom-gil-gamesha/into-en/trans/
Èòàê, ïî ïîðÿäêó. Òàê óæ âûøëî, ÷òî ÷åòâ¸ðòàÿ ñòðîêà ó ìåíÿ ïîëó÷èëàñü íà ñëîã êîðî÷å, ÷åì ó Ïðîõîæåãî (Ðûäàåò íèòðîãëèöåðèíîì - The fuse is ready to ignite), ïëþñ îíà îòðåçàíà ïî çâó÷àíèþ îò ïðåäûäóùèõ è çâó÷èò íåñêîëüêî îòðûâèñòî. Ìíå êàæåòñÿ, ó Ïðîõîæåãî âûõîäèò áîëåå äýòîâîå è ìîùíîå çâó÷àíèå.
Äàëåå, ìíå íå îñîáî ïî äóøå ðèôìà ignite - requite. Ïîòîì ìíå ïðèøëîñü öåëèêîì èçìåíèòü ñìûñë òð¸õ ñòðîê, èáî îáú¸ì äóøè òóäà íèêàê íå õîòåë ïîìåùàòüñÿ. Õîòÿ çàìåíó, íà ìîé âçãëÿä, íàø¸ë âïîëíå ãîäíóþ.  ñòðîêå "Ereshkigal will bear the blame" âíîâü ïðèøëîñü îòîéòè îò çâó÷àíèÿ îðèãèíàëà, íî ýòî íå ñèëüíî çàìåòíî.
"Øðàì íà ëèêå ñèë" ïðèøëîñü çàìåíèòü íà "Gauge of things" (íå ïîìíþ, îòêóäà ÿ âçÿë ýòî îïðåäåëåíèå áîæåñòâåííîãî). À âîò äàëåå ñëåäóåò, ïîæàëóé, ãëàâíàÿ ëàæà ìîåãî ïåðåâîäà: ðèôìà master - pastor. Ïîëòîðû ñîòíè ïðîñìîòðîâ, è íè ñëîâà î ñåì ëåçóùåì â ãëàçà êîñÿêå.
Óâû, ïðèøëîñü óïðîñòèòü ãîëîäíûå êëûêè äî çóáîâ, è ëèøèòüñÿ ïîäáðþøüÿ íåáà, õîòÿ â öåëîì ñìûñë óäàëîñü ñîõðàíèòü. Íó à äàëüøå, íà ìîé âçãëÿä, âñ¸ ïðîñòî âåëèêîëåïíî (íåñìîòðÿ íà òî, ÷òî "Aghast they're tottering to me" íà ñëîã êîðî÷å, ÷åì "È çàïëåòàþòñÿ èõ íîãè").
I loathe everything I see
What you feel doesn't matter to me
All these words, and still there is nothing to hear
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 25.01.2010 16:09 
cringecore
revival

Ïðî, íó ñêàæè òû åìó óæå ÷òî-íèáóäü âåñêîå..
à òî åäà ñàìà ñåáÿ ñúåñò :lol:
Àâòîð
Òåìà: Re: Gilgamesh Syndrome
Âðåìÿ: 25.01.2010 16:38 
charybdis
अ ग ा ध

Iveriver, à ÷î ÿ ìîãó ñêàçàòü? åñëè àôòàð ñ÷èòàåò, ÷òî ñîõðàíåíèå ðèôìîâêè öåíîé âûïàäåíèÿ ñìûñëîâûõ ïëàñòîâ âïîëíå äîïóñòèìî - ÿ áåññèëåí.
Çàòêíèñü è ãîðè!
 ýòîò ôîðóì ìîãóò ïèñàòü òîëüêî çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûå ïîëüçîâàòåëè!