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Òåìà: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 11:40 |
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Íà ïðîñòîðàõ èíòåðíåòà íàòêíóëñÿ íà òàêîé âîò ìàíóàë  ÁóÊÀÔ ìíîãî, íî çàáàâíî. Äà ïðîñòÿò ìåíÿ íåàíãëî÷èòàþùèå ñîáðàòüÿ - áåç ïåðåâîäà (åñëè áóäåò èíòåðåñíî - ãîâîðèòå - ïåðåâåäó ïîïîçæå). How to Sing the Blues... a Primer * Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..." * "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town." * The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weighs 500 pounds." * The Blues is not about choice. You're stuck in a ditch, you're stuck in a ditch—ain't no way out. * Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train, blues NEVER go on the northbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. * Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. * Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. * A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause an alligator be chomping on it is. * Good places for the Blues: a) highway; b) jailhouse. Bad places for the Blues: a) Nordstrom; b) gallery openings; c) Ivy League institutions; d) golf courses. * No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it for the last six months. * Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a) you're older than dirt; b) you're blind; c) you shot a man in Memphis. Not if: a) you have all your teeth; b) you were once blind but now can see; c) the man in Memphis lived; d) you have a 401K or trust fund. * Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got leg up on the blues. * If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a) muddy water; b) nasty black coffee. The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast. * If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction. * Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling. * Some Blues names for men: a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie. * Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. * "Make your own Blues Name" Starter Kit: a) name of physical infirmity (blind, cripple, lame, etc.); b) first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c) last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.). For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi." * I don't care how tragic your life: if you own even one computer, you cannot sing the blues. |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 11:42 |
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ßðîñëàâëü íå óìåþ èãðàòü  
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éà íå çíàéó àíãëèñêàâà 
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 11:45 |
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Ìîñêâà Gretsch 6120 
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êàæåòñÿ ýòî èíñòðóêöèÿ èç êíèæêè "ãèòàðà äëÿ ÷àéíèêîâ". (çíàìåíèòàÿ ñåðèÿ "*** for Dummies" |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 11:59 |
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ÑÏá òðûíü òðûíü âàó âàó 
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ïîðàäîâàëî) öèòèðîâàòü íå áóäó ïîíðàâèâøèåñÿ ìåñòà, èáî èõ ìíîãà) |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 12:05 |
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äàâíî óøåë ñ ÌÔ
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àíãèööêèé, ëåíü ÷åòàòü (( | |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 12:07 |
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Ñàíêò-Ïåòåðáóðã Warmoth JDB 
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Óæå ïðîñêàêèâàë ïåðåâîä, è íå îäèí ðàç. Çàáàâíàÿ øòóêà, â îðèãèíàëå îêàçàëñü ëó÷it =) | |
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Ãîëîâà -> ðóêè -> ãèòàðû -> îáðàáîòêà
âûëîæèë (ñâîå òâîð÷åñòâî íà ÌÔ-ïðèì.) - ïîëó÷è ñâîþ ïîðöèþ êàëà è áóäü ñòîåê è òâåðä (ñ) Ìèõàëû÷ú 40‰ |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 12:11 |
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çàáàâíî | |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 12:14 |
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Âîò òàê ïåðåâ¸ë "ÑÎÊÐÀÒ ïåðñÎÍÀËÜÍÛÉ 4.1"!!! Êàê, ÷òîáû Ïåòü Õàíäðó... Ââåäåíèå * Íàèáîëåå Õàíäðà íà÷èíàåò, "Áóäèë ñåãîäíÿ óòðîì..." * "ß ïîëó÷èë õîðîøóþ æåíùèíó" ÿâëÿåòñÿ ïëîõèì ïóòåì íà÷èíàòü Õàíäðó, åñëè Âû íå âòûêàåòå ÷òî-òî ïðîòèâíûé íà ñëåäóþùåé ëèíèè ïîäîáíî, "ß ïîëó÷èë õîðîøóþ æåíùèíó, ñ ëèöîì meanest â ãîðîäå." * Õàíäðà ïðîñòà. Ïîñëå òîãî, êàê Âû ïîëó÷èòå ïåðâîå ïðàâî ëèíèè, ïîâòîðèòå ýòîìó. Çàòåì íàéäèòå ÷òî-òî ýòè ðèôìû...ñâîåãî ðîäà: "Ïîëó÷àë õîðîøóþ æåíùèíó ñ ëèöîì meanest â ãîðîäå. Äà, ß ïîëó÷èë õîðîøóþ æåíùèíó ñ ëèöîì meanest â ãîðîäå. Ïîëó÷èòå çóáû ïîäîáíî Margaret Thatcher, è îíà âçâåøèâàåò 500 ôóíòîâ." * Õàíäðà - íå î âûáîðå. Âû âîòêíóòû â êàíàâó, Âû âîòêíóòû â ditch ai íå íè çà ÷òî. * Àâòîìîáèëè Õàíäðû: Chevys, Áðîäû, Êàäèëëàêè è ïîëóðàçðóøåííûå ãðóçîâèêè. Õàíäðà íå ïóòåøåñòâóåò â Âîëüâî, BMWs, èëè Ìàøèíàõ Ïîëåçíîñòè Ñïîðòà. Íàèáîëåå òðàíñïîðòèðîâêà Õàíäðû - àâòîáóñ Áîðçîé èëè äâèæóùèéñÿ íà þã ïîåçä, õàíäðà ÍÈÊÎÃÄÀ íå ïðîäîëæàåò ïîåçäîì northbound. Ðåàêòèâíûå àâèàöèîííûå è ñóáñèäèðîâàííûå ãîñóäàðñòâåííûå ïóë äâèãàòåëÿ ai äàæå íå â ïðîãîíå. Walkin' Èãðàåòñÿ îñíîâíóþ ðîëü â îáðàçå æèçíè õàíäðû. Òî-æå ïðîèñõîäèò ñ fixin', ÷òîáû óìèðàòü. * Ïîäðîñòêè íå ìîãóò ïåòü Õàíäðó. Îíè ai íå fixin', ÷òîáû óìèðàòü ïîêà. Âçðîñëûå ïîþò Õàíäðó.  Õàíäðå, ñòàðûå ñðåäñòâà "çðåëîñòè" äîñòàòî÷íî, ÷òîáû ïîëó÷àòü ýëåêòðè÷åñêóþ êàôåäðó åñëè Âû ñòðåëÿåòå ÷åëîâåêà â Memphis. * Õàíäðà ìîæåò ïðîèçîéòè â ÍÜÞ-ÉÎÐÊ ÑÈÒÈ íî íå â Ãàâàéè èëè ëþáîì ìåñòå íà Êàíàäå. Æåñòêîå âðåìÿ â Minneapolis èëè Ñèýòòëå - âåðîÿòíî ïðîñòî êëèíè÷åñêàÿ äåïðåññèÿ. ×èêàãî, Ñò. Ëóèñ, è Êàíçàñ City - âñå åùå íàèëó÷øèå ìåñòà, ÷òîáû èìåòü Õàíäðó. Âû íå ìîæåòå èìåòü õàíäðó íà ëþáîì ìåñòå, ÷òî íå ïîëó÷àòü äîæäü. * ×åëîâåê ñ ìóæñêîé ïëåøèâîñòüþ îáðàçöà ai íå õàíäðà. Æåíùèíà ñ ìóæñêîé ïëåøèâîñòüþ îáðàçöà. Ïðåðûâàÿ âàøó ïðè÷èíó íîãè Âû áûëè ëûæíûì ñïîðòîì íå ÿâëÿåòñÿ õàíäðîé. Ðàçðûâ âàøåé íîãè 'âûçûâàåòñÿ, àëëèãàòîð áåðåòñÿ êóñîê íå ïî çóáàì íà ýòîì. * Õîðîøèå ìåñòà äëÿ Õàíäðû: a) øîññå; b) jailhouse. Ïëîõèå ìåñòà äëÿ Õàíäðû: a) Nordstrom; b) îòêðûòèÿ ãàëåðåè; c) ó÷ðåæäåíèÿ Ëèãè Ïëþùà; d) ïëîùàäêè äëÿ ãîëüôà. * Íèêòî íå ïîâåðèò, ÷òî ýòî - Õàíäðà åñëè Âû íîñèòå èñê, 'ìåíåå, êîòîðûé Âû ñëó÷àåòåñü, ÷òîáû áûòü ñòàðûì ÷åëîâåêîì, è Âû ïîñïàëè â ýòîì â òå÷åíèå ïîñëåäíèõ øåñòè ìåñÿöåâ. * Ó âàñ åñòü ïðàâî ïåòü Õàíäðó? Äà, åñëè: a) Âû áîëåå ñòàðû ÷åì ãðÿçü; b) Âû ñëåïû; c) Âû âûñòðåëèëè ÷åëîâåêà â Memphis. Íå åñëè: a) ó âàñ åñòü âñå âàøè çóáû; b) Âû áûëè êàê òîëüêî øòîðà íî òåïåðü ìîæåò âèäåòü; c) ÷åëîâåê â Memphis æèë; d) ó âàñ åñòü 401K èëè ôîíä òðàñòà. * Õàíäðà íå ÿâëÿåòñÿ ìàòåðèàëîì öâåòà. Ýòî - ìàòåðèàë ïëîõîé óäà÷è. Òèãðîâûå Äåðåâüÿ (ëåñ) íå ìîãóò ïðîïåòü õàíäðó. Ñûíîê Liston ìîã. Áåçîáðàçíûå áåëûå ëþäè òàêæå ïîëó÷àëè íîãó ïî â õàíäðå. * Åñëè Âû òðåáóåòå âîäó è âàø darlin' äàâàòü Âàì áåíçèí, ýòî - Õàíäðà. Äðóãèå ïðèåìëåìûå íàïèòêè Õàíäðû: a) ãðÿçíàÿ âîäà; b) ïðîòèâíîå ÷åðíîå êîôå. Ñëåäóþùåå ÍÅ ÿâëÿåòñÿ íàïèòêàìè Õàíäðû: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Íåçíà÷èòåëüíûé Áûñòðûé. * Åñëè ñìåðòü ïðîèñõîäèò â äåøåâîì ìîòåëå èëè õèæèíà äðîáîâèêà, îíà - ñìåðòü Õàíäðû. Ðàíåííîå íà îáðàòíóþ ñòîðîíó ðåâíèâûì ëþáîâíèêîì - äðóãîé ïóòü Õàíäðû, ÷òîáû óìèðàòü. Òàê - ýëåêòðè÷åñêàÿ êàôåäðà, çëîóïîòðåáëåíèå ñóáñòàíöèè è óìèðàÿ îäèíîêî â ñëîìàííîé êðîâàòè. Âû íå ìîæåòå èìåòü ñìåðòü Õàíäðû åñëè Âû óìèðàåòå â òå÷åíèå ñïè÷êè òåííèñà èëè ïðè ïîëó÷åíèè liposuction. * Íåêîòîðàÿ Õàíäðà íàçûâàåò â ÷åñòü æåíùèí: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Æèðíàÿ Ðå÷íàÿ Êëåöêà. * Íåêîòîðàÿ Õàíäðà íàçûâàåò â ÷åñòü ìóæ÷èí: a) Äæî; b) Íåðâíîå ñîñòîÿíèå; c) Íåáîëüøîå Íåðâíîå ñîñòîÿíèå; d) Áîëüøîå Íåðâíîå ñîñòîÿíèå. * Ëèöà ñ èìåíàìè ïîäîáíî Michelle, Amber, Debbie, è Âåðåñê íå ìîæåò ïåòü Õàíäðó íåçàâèñèìî îò òîãî, êàê ìíîãî ìóæ÷èí, îíè íå ñòðåëÿþò â Memphis. * Êîìïëåêò Ñòàðòåðà "Äåëàåò âàøåé ñîáñòâåííîé Õàíäðîé Íàçûâàòü": a) èìÿ ôèçè÷åñêîé íåìîùè (øòîðà, êàëåêà, õðîìàÿ, è ò.ï.); b) èìÿ (ñìîòðè âûøå) ïëþñ èìÿ ïëîäà (Ëèìîí, Ëàéì, Êèâè, è ò.ï.); c) ïîñëåäíåå èìÿ Ïðåçèäåíòà (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, è ò.ï..). Íàïðèìåð: Øòîðà Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson, èëè Êàëåêà Kiwi Fillmore, è ò.ï.. (Õîðîøèé, ìîæåò áûòü íå "Êèâè." * ß âñå ðàâíî êàê òðàãè÷åñêàÿ âàøà æèçíü: åñëè Âû îáëàäàåòå äàæå îäíèì êîìïüþòåðîì, Âû íå ìîæåòå ïðîïåòü õàíäðó. |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 12:15 |
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Ñàì íå ÷èòàë... ÂÏÀÄËÓ! | |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 12:16 |
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Ëàáîðàòîðèÿ ÓÃ ïðè ÐÌÓÔ 
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 12:25 |
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Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a) you're older than dirt; b) you're blind; c) you shot a man in Memphis. Ïàöòàëîì... |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 14:16 |
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ÈÌÕÎ Ñàìîå ãëàâíîå ïåòü ïðî ïîåçä | |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 14:48 |
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Âëàäèìèð Fender Strat '93 Black Cherry
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Áîÿíèùå èç áîÿíîâ!)))) | |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 15:31 |
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Bite my shiny metal A$$ 
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íà àíãëèöêîì ÷èòàé íå áóäó, âîò åñëè áû ýòî áûëî íà èñïàíñêîì èëè äðåâíåì ÿçûêå àâñòðàëèéñêèõ àáîðèãåíîâ, âîò òîãäà... 
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Shiftuya shit
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 20:10 |
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Ìîñêâà Gibson LP Std. DC 
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>êàæåòñÿ ýòî èíñòðóêöèÿ èç êíèæêè "ãèòàðà äëÿ ÷àéíèêîâ". (çíàìåíèòàÿ ñåðèÿ "*** for Dummies" íåò, òîëüêî ÷òî ïðîâåðèë =) ñàáæ ïîðàäîâàë. Íàäî áûëî åùå äîáàâèòü "If you've got your own guitar and both hands to play on it - it's not Blues." |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 06.02.2008 20:19 |
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ÌîñêWaaaH **Ibanez LP 76** +Boss-GT8 
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Íåêîòîðàÿ Õàíäðà íàçûâàåò â ÷åñòü æåíùèí: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Æèðíàÿ Ðå÷íàÿ Êëåöêà. ïàöòàëîì  
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 ÌÀÐÀÇÌ ÊÐÅÏ×ÀËÚ |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 07.02.2008 15:26 |
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d) Æèðíàÿ Ðå÷íàÿ Êëåöêà. âîò àáàññàêà òî!=) |
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 07.02.2008 15:40 |
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Ìåäâåïóòèíñê Microkorg XL 
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 áûëî äàæå íà ðóññêîì, ïðè÷åì 2 ðàçíûõ ñìûñëîâûõ ïåðåâîäà
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- Êîíöåðò Ñòàñà Ìèõàéëîâà â Ìóðìàíñêå îòìåí¸í èç-çà îòñóòñòâèÿ çðèòåëåé
- Ïîõîæå, Ìóðìàíñêó ïîðà ïðèñâàèâàòü çâàíèå Êóëüòóðíîé Ñòîëèöû Ðîññèè. www.shift-line.com |
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| Àâòîð |
Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 07.02.2008 15:51 |
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àâòîð òû íå ñòîãî ïóòü ñâîé íà÷àë  ñàáæ àöòîé 
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 07.02.2008 17:16 |
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Kurzweil, Korg, Epiphone, Burny, Fender 
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just perfect!!! 
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Òåìà: Re: Þìîð: Êàê ïèñàòü áëþç - ïîøàãîâîå ðóêîâîäñòâî
Âðåìÿ: 08.02.2008 00:44 |
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Ìîñêâà
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Âîò íà ðóññêîì: | |
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Áåç òðóäà íå âûòàùèøü è äÿòëà èç äóïëà
 óñòàë - óìðè  ©Sir FlyingV |
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